cloud 9.5

you know that song that says, "something's gotta go wrong, 'cuz i'm feelin' way too damn good"? that's how i feel. but really, i don't know what's going to go wrong that my happiness has not already withstood. i don't know if other people can tell that i'm different, but i can. i don't have to put on my rose-colored glasses, i have rose-colored eyes. and to think i almost forgot they were under there somewhere...

I'M GOING TO ARGENTINA IN THE MORNING!

I'LL BE IN ITHACA IN TWO WEEKS!

and i finally remember what being happy is like.

every other year of high school, i'd lug my cello to orlando to play and compete at disney with my orchestra (geek, i know). my second and last trip, the little brother of one of my friends--andrea--was a freshman cellist, and, of course, gave the full report to his sister when he got home. he'd recalled all the events of the past few days but had one final question: "does kate really smile all the time?" andrea laughed, but he was serious. "and i think she really means it, too!"

i don't know what made me suddenly think of that story. i don't suddenly smile 24-7, and even when i do, i don't always mean it. after living in africa, i frown more, too. i think i just feel more in general. but even when stuff sucks, there's still a smile way down in there somewhere...just like there used to be. i wish it had never taken some time off, but i think that makes me appreciate it more now.

it's funny how going to sleep at night by resting my unwashed hair on my balled up fleece on a bug-infested floor in a refugee settlement in rural uganda could be therapeutic, but there is no doubt in my mind that it was.